Part V – Make it about us
In part IV, I shared on how YOU could be impeding the very support that you want. Now, it is time to move forward to gaining the support that you desire and deserve …
It is a given that success is an inside job. And, that your success is not contingent upon what anyone else says, thinks, does or doesn’t do. Including your significant other.
Having the support of your partner is thus not a need-based entity, it’s from your desire to do something meaningful together and share the journey. Per my mantra: To put the ‘us’ in business.
Yes, it is imperative that you have clear, specific goals and a vision for the life that you want to be living. How do you share that with your partner and give them a picture that they don’t see themselves in?
Basically, talk in terms of us at every opportunity. It is our business; we are accomplishing x, and so on.
Speaking in this fashion sends a clear signal that you see him as an active participant in all key phases of your life, your business and, most importantly – your relationship.
Should you practice this even though your partner may not have the desire to participate yet? Absolutely. Just as you don’t wait for results to feel successful, don’t wait for anything to be successful together.
Your vision for the life you want to together is just as crucial as your vision for the success of your business. Granted, it does add an extra dimension as your significant other has an active role in your relationship and is thus outside of your direct control.
And, that is okay. Your sole responsibility is to show up as the authentic you. Doing so positions you to be the most effective in any aspect of your life or business.
When you do approach your partner for interaction or conversation, would you rather show up as the fun, bubbly, passionate person that you truly are? Or as anything else, which is essentially not you?
In a previous post, I wrote about the importance of making your business appealing. Nobody will be enthused for too long doing something that is not fulfilling or enjoyable. Any time that you get to spend together on your business is that most precious of time – time together. Yes, you may have some important topics to discuss, like money or priorities. Why not do it in a way that is upbeat, positive and ties in with the amazing future that is unfolding for you both?
Life is, of course, life and things can & will happen that may feel less than optimal at the time. The better space you are both in personally and jointly, the easier it will be to ease through the rough spots.
Has there been anything yet in your life together that you have not made it through?
Just as a sports team wins by each player focusing on doing his role, you & your partner will achieve that which you desire by doing your respective roles. Most couples have separated out chores and responsibilities in a way that is fulfilling to them, and then they simply do their part.
It is valuable to remember that, for a man, doing the best job he can with his responsibilities is one of the deepest ways that he shows commitment for you and your family. It is the things that we do individually that help make the things we do together possible.
Some folks think that we shouldn’t make a big deal of it when someone does something they are supposed to do. I beg to differ. Everyone likes to feel appreciated for what they are doing and the contribution that they are making.
If you get an opportunity to express appreciation to your mate for the things he does that make your life together the amazing experience it is, take it.
Notice how you once again make it about us? And what does a man want to do when he feels appreciated for something? That’s right – he wants to do more.
Once again, this is not about being needy – if a person actually needs compliments and praise in order to feel worthy, that is not a healthy space.
It is simply about expressing your appreciation for that which the most important person in your life does.
In summary: It really is all about us. You do what you need to do individually and you share regularly on what great things you have in your life today – and what amazing things are in your future. The future that you will create – together.
Mark Semple is a Certified Comprehensive Coach and the 2007 International Coach of the Year. Most importantly, Mark is the dedicated supporter of his wife in her business. For Mark’s insights on gaining the support of your partner, and on Success Together, visit: www.successfultogethercoaching.com